Couples Counselling
It might sound like a strange question. You’re probably thinking, “Isn’t it me and my partner?” And yes—both of you are there in the room. But in couples therapy, we often say that the relationship itself is the client.
When couples come to therapy, it’s not unusual for one or both partners to hope the therapist can help “fix” the other person. That makes sense—when things feel hard or painful in a relationship, it’s tough to look inward. It’s easier (and totally human) to want the other person to change first.
But here’s the thing: couples therapy isn’t about deciding who’s right or wrong. It’s not about assigning blame. Instead, it’s about uncovering the negative cycle that both of you are caught in—a pattern that leaves both partners feeling misunderstood, hurt, or disconnected.
Even neutral or loving statements—like “Have you taken out the garbage?” or “I’d love to spend more time together”—can unexpectedly lead to conflict. Words get exchanged, tempers rise, and suddenly you find yourself saying things you never meant. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
What we work on in couple therapy is identifying that negative cycle—the common enemy between you. Once we understand it, we can slow it down, make sense of what’s happening under the surface (like emotions, needs, and beliefs), and start making space for more connection and safety.
Couples therapy isn’t about figuring out who’s to blame—it’s about understanding what’s happening between you and working together to create change.
So if your partner suggests couples therapy and you’re worried it might turn into a situation where you feel ganged up on by your partner and the therapist, please know: that’s not what good couples therapy is about. Of course, there will be work for you to do in therapy—just as there will be for your partner. But your therapist will support you both, ensuring that the process remains balanced, respectful, and emotionally safe for both of you.
Ai is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)… [see profile for more]
View full profile
