Trauma Impacts Both Partners
Partners of sex addicts suffer three types of overwhelming injuries which together damage the intimate relationship and cause you to experience Complex Betrayal Trauma.
Attachment Injury occurs when the sexual behaviour of the addict violates the trust and vulnerability of your relationship. When the addict lies, manipulates, coerces, and intimidates you in an effort to try to deny or hide their secret behaviour, you experience emotional and psychological injury from the confusion. Sexual Injury impacts your sexuality as a result of the addict’s pursuit of sex with you, with someone else, or both.
- Feelings of sadness
- Hurting yourself
Many partners also struggle with feelings of shame or self-blame and feel too embarrassed to reach out for help.
- “I have been traumatized by the repeated discovery of his deception and betrayal of me with these activities.”
- “We don’t have sex often, and it irritates me that he puts more time into the porn than trying to be intimate with me.”
You may insist your sex addicted partner seek professional help, while you take on the burden of caring for and protecting your family. Try not to isolate yourself from seeking professional help for your own healing. Sex addiction is very complex and leads to devastating consequences. If you lack an adequate trauma support system, you face the risk of developing or exasperating poor coping skills, such as overeating or excessive drinking. You may even find yourself confronting the aftermath of a revenge affair or another act of self-harm. Betrayal trauma and the aftermath it causes creates deep wounds in your relationship with your loved one, but it may also change how you see yourself. Exploring self-help resources is an excellent place to begin, but it is very difficult to achieve lasting healing and effective recovery from betrayal trauma on your own without a solid support system and good self-care.
Partner counselling can also help you learn how to best support your partner through sex addiction recovery, if you decide to stay in the relationship. You will learn what to expect from the recovery process and how to manage the roller coaster of emotions that occur during recovery. Down the road, couples counselling can provide support as you work to restore your relationship and rebuild broken trust.